Tuesday, June 2, 2020

Day 4B, Forty Day Writing Challenge "a person"

Maybe I don't really need to write about this person, because he is so typical of many others, a potpourri of disagreeability that manifests in ways that are toxic, making this person not worth the time or effort of writing about her.

You'll notice I used the pronouns "him" and "her" to keep that person's identity a secret. And besides, as I've mentioned before, they are a type. A person who has no steady sail, who self sabotages, and who sabotages those who dare come near to them if they can.

Most often, you will know from the initial meeting that this person isn't worth one's time. At other times you give in because from the start you know the type, and you have figured out their game, but you're willing to go with it to a certain point, beyond which you decide it's time to let go.

And so let me pose examples:
1. He expected the person he loved should be a mind reader. He felt there was no need to explain how he felt and it was a failure if the person didn't see that something was wrong.
2. She clung to you immediately and you became fast friends. You simply chose to control the time spent with this person who wanted money from you. You had a small budget for people like her and never let it get past that. When she wanted far more than what you were willing to give, it was time to let go.
3. They seemed to be okay to hang out with. From the start you knew because it always follows the same pattern -- you become fast friends, the chummiest of chums. But they do that because you fill a need. You tolerated them because they were entertaining and all they got from you were free meals from cheap restaurants.

Oftentimes the relationship is spelled by predictable emotions. When I came to know my first person of this type, I was often bewildered, confused, lost, felt small, and cried many, many tears.
After understanding this type, I knew from the start how it was going to end, and I knew what I was willing to give, and when the inevitable occurred, I wasn't sorry.

When this type is very extreme, the person likes to feel they have power over you. They like to put you down and try to humiliate you publicly. They also think they can lie about you to others, and that the others will believe them.

When this happens, I feel sad. Not because of the put-downs or the attempts at humiliation. I feel sad because the one person who can actually contribute something good and positive in their lives are the ones they are pushing away by belittling you to yourself and others right in front of you. I feel sad for them because I know who I am and I know my value. So, all this negativity doesn't bother me. I have true friends and it's easy to know the difference. You know their game. You feel sad because in the end, they will still be who they are, and they will still be where they are. But they will have lost the free meal that was so important to them. They could have done better.

I once tried to test one of these people by confiding to them about something. I noticed that the person wasn't interested in giving me sympathy or making me feel better. The person was only interested in getting usable gossip that they could apply by telling it to others in their attempts to snare those other people so they could rely on them for something more than what they make themselves worth. The last words were so descriptive about this person themselves.

There are people who are lazy about life and use the least of their skills to feed what is empty inside themselves whether it's material or emotional. They are the sad bottom dwellers who don't look inside themselves to see what is truly good and great and to work on what is truly good and great about themselves.

I have seen one of them discover their greatness and use it to eventually build a good and fulfilling life for themselves. They began as seekers from a dark place, but they were willing to work for the good that they wanted. They built a home and a happy family.

And then there are those who only want the bottom part, and will only reach as far as the bottom part. They lack the desire to develop insight and to examine themselves. They never change.



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